Formula One only has itself to blame
Everyone’s second favourite F1 podcast.
With Cheeka away on a Colombian drug binge, reserve presenter Ollie Peart joins Phill and Terry to peer through the smoke at the Spainish Grand Prix. Grosjean blots his copy book, Hamilton gets his groove back and Ferrari throw it away again. Plus there’s news on an exciting new FF1S venture, and Terry reveals his favourite Instagram filter.
What the hell is going on? Honda engine cars are in the top four, Verstappen is rubbish, Bahrain is exciting, up is down, black is white. Cheeka, Phill and Terry discuss the Bahrain Grand Prix and consider horrific injuries, unlikely heroes and the Red Bulls throwing away their better-than-usual early season advantage. Also, grid girls are back. Yay?
Hamilton hit a wall, Bottas hit his talent limit and Massa hit the end of the road (nearly). The Brazilian GP happened, and now Cheeka, Phill and Terry are going to bloody well talk about it. Also, there’s a book review, like on Radio 4.
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2017.18 - MEXICO
Mama Mia, Shat It Up Again (Buy merch)
Bring out the revolving DJ, it’s the Mexico Grand Prix episode! Hamilton is champ, Vettel is a chump and Verstappen is a cheeky chappy. Cheeka, Phill and Terry reflect on a weekend of unexpected results and oxygen depletion, and there’s a special appearance from SANTA HIMSELF. Kind of.
Ferrari screws everything up, Verstappen gets another beating with the Unlucky Stick and Hamilton eats celebratory vegetables. Cheeka, Phill and Terry pick through the charred remains of the Singapore Grand Prix while also ruminating on McLarenault, Toro Ronda and what future awaits for Joyless Palmer.
K-Mag becomes our new favourite driver after a foul-mouthed offer to Hulkenberg; perhaps the highlight of an ultimately tedious Hungarian GP. Still, away from the race there's plenty of soap opera-level nonsense to dissect, from mandatory flip-flops to what Sauber will be powered by next year. Cheeka, Phill and Terry drink beer and discuss it all.
Lewis Hamilton, the villain of F1 Live but the hero of Silverstone, wins the British Grand Prix, and it all goes to shit for Jolyon Palmer, as per usual. Cheeka, Phill and Terry reflect on the boredom and excitement of the race, Ferrari's exploding tyres and all the usual bollocks.
Oh, you may have noticed: this podcast contains SWEARS.
The hills are alive with the sound of Vettel moaning about other drivers again, shoey-gate hits a low point and Cheeka is educated about the one and only Stefan Dennis - yes, it's all the obvious talking points from the Austrian GP.
And bonus feature, for those who are Cheeka's age or younger, here is what all the fuss is about...
Baku was all set to be dull as ditchwater, but then everything went fucking ridiculous. Cheeka, Phill and Terry look back at a topsy-turvey Azerbaijan Grand Prix and talk about Lance Stroll as F1's new saviour, Vettel as Satan himself and why Force India's new name is just as shit as the current one.
Sebastian Vettel did a naughty thing on Sunday - aside from the thousands of idiots on the internet who have a single jpeg between them that is not in doubt. But what should happen next? He’s off to a tribunal where they will decide if a ten second stop and go penalty is enough or whether he should have the book thrown at him, or rather whether they should take both hands off the book absolve all responsibility when it hits him.
He could be stripped of points from Baku, even given a race ban like what they used to in the old days. This is a close championship and, perhaps rightly, a lot of people will be pissed off if it’s decided by a points margin equalling the punishment. But then again is it acceptable to do something really fucking dangerous under safety car conditions when there are marshals on the track clearing up debris? Answer? Who fucking knows - like all what ifs the problem is there were no marshalls there and if there was then it probably wouldn’t have happened - it’s a silly argument. Also, it could have been worse, but wasn’t - if it had damaged Lewis’ car out of the race I’d imagine there would have been more uproar, but it didn’t.
In fact, if the headrest was on properly this would actually have less uproar. Swings, roundabouts and old metal scissors.
But here we are and what do we do? How do we punish Seb and why?
I know, you're expecting me to be all silly and say his ferrari at the next three races has to have “I’m an idiot” in giant letters, or he has to chauffeur lewis to an event or do a race with a honda engine. But I’m actually going to be semi serious here - we have a simple rule in FF1S, don’t be a dick. We hate Joyless Palmer not just becuase he’s terrible, there have been many terrible drivers, it’s because he’s so unwilling to accept the fact. We were not Alonso fans until he was in a shit car and got all sassy.
Whether a moment of hot headedness or a deep aggressive character flaw, what Vettel did on Sunday was a dick move, he then further compounded his dick by refusing to even admit he’d done anything wrong. If he’d apologised and said it was heat of the moment then fine. But he hasn’t so therefore the official FF1S proposed punishment is the strongest we can mete out: execution.