State of F1: Honda (again)

Honda. Yes I know, we dealt with this a few months ago. Everyone got together and agreed that there was a way to fix this embarrassing and humiliating problem, that was for Honda to accept some external help and get the engine on the way to ok and then somehow not be last.

Everyone was on board, except it seems for Honda. The expected upgrade that was due at the Canadian gp didn't arrive and by the sounds of it they didn't tell McLaren. Eric bouiller had to stay in between the vague hours of 9-5 but the delivery didn't come and when he rang Honda they said we did, there was no one in. You know the drill.

But unlike Yodel, Honda didn't even fucking try. They have decided that actually it's more important to solve this problem on their own. Like this isn't a multimillion pound f1 Programme but me and my kitchen lights. I'll admit after a bit of youtubing and a terrifying moment when the wires in my ceiling were not the colors I was expecting I did manage to get the lights working. But, to exactly quite Mario Illien: IT'S A LITTLE MORE FUCKING COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

So now everyone is crying, Alonso says he's going to quit and go to Indy if McLaren can't win be September, stoffelrofl isn't doing great and frankly my beloved team is fucked. Thank you Honda.

Do I have a solution?

No, well yes and it's pull your finger out. But really what's the point. All I have is a plea.

F1 you can't allow Alonso to go to Indy. There's only one thing to do. At the last GP before September (Belgium by my reckoning) all the other cars have to stop so Fernando wins. Come on f1, you've done it before, at Indianapolis ironically. I'd say be dramatic and leave it to the last lap but there's pretty scant evidence a Honda can make it that far.

FF1S.17.500 BONUS EPISODE

For Indycar's Sake

It's the FF1S guide to the Indy 500! Cheeka, Phill and Terry won't let a lack of knowledge stop them from bringing you everything you need to know about America's biggest race. With Fernando Alonso taking part in the 2017 edition, it's sure to bring in plenty of F1 newbies, and this podcast brings you FACTS aplenty about milk, face sculpting and why it's basically the USA's version of the Great British Bake Off.

The State of F1: Alonso

Terry's State of F1 is normally a serious look at a problem in F1 with a silly solution, for the Chinese GP episode he looked at the situation with Alonso and McLaren, unfortunately not even in his imagination did he think Fernando would fuck off and do the Indy500.

When in 2015 Mclaren took the brave step to power their F1 cars with nostalgia no one knew just how terrible it would be.

1989! They shouted, we thought that was a reference to the glory years when in fact it's the average gap in seconds to the Mercedes. Honda! They cried, before they actually started to cry. Alonso! The double world champ who gave McLaren a shitty year the first time round and exactly no world championships.

Everything was set for the utter disaster it’s turned out to be. Honda have learned nothing, Alonso is openly advertising his services and yet they still believe they are the best team in the world. As do I. Writing from Italy right now, McLaren’s demise hurts.

But lets focus on Alonso. Like Williams, McLaren can probably Chumbawhumba their way around for another decade or so before magicking it all back, but Alonso is very much on his way out of F1.

Whether it’s zero years or five the man who won the 2005 and 2006 championships has never looked further away from becoming a hat-tricker.

Why?

Well, let’s be honest, he’s a bit of a dick. But rightly so. He wrestled the Minardi in his first F1 season to incredible results, won two championships with Renault and then moved to McLaren for a glory year that Lewis Hamilton ruined and Alonso sulked.

Then he went back to Renault, tail between his legs and was absolutely not involved took part in the crashgate cheating scandal, allegedly. In 2008 his car was rubbish and he sulked

Then he signed with Ferrari, had a couple of good years but ultimately never won the championship, and then sulking in public because the team were shit.

Now back to McLaren where he started sulking almost on day one and hasn’t quit since.

So where is left for him to go? Nowhere, Mercedes had the chance to get him but chose not to, Ferrari own’t have him back, surely he can’t go to Renault AGAIN? Haas is backed by Ferrari, Red Bull have never been interested and Williams already have a failed Ferrari driver in their midst.

He’s staying with McLaren because no one else will have him. And to be honest, that’s terrible for F1.

But don’t worry, I have a solution

He should quit, like yesterday. He should go away for a year, get fit, have some plastic surgery curl his hair and disappear. Coincidentally next year Mercedes will make a shock signing of a new driver with curly hair called, I don’t know, Michael Knight. Michael will be the first driver unable to speak thanks to a childhood trauma and therefore not wont to piss everyone off. Job done.