New rules, fat tyres, low wings, most of the penis noses and Bernie gone. It's a new dawn for f1 hallelujah. What? Don't mention that the race was pretty dull? But it can't be! Only it was. Despite everything, the Australian GP was a snooze fest of cars stuck behind other cars and unable to overtake. A problem that is so uniquely f1. Imagine a football match where the players can't actually shoot at the goal. It's all down to aerodynamics, a purposefully confusing technology that you can't see but makes f1 shit.
Now I know that sounds like an astute summary of the 2018 Australian Grand Prix but that is actually word for word the start of my State of F1 after last years race. And if I, a professional idiot can so brilliantly summarise what’s wrong with F1 why isn’t it fixed yet?
But Terry wait (not the hostage) they added a 3rd DRS zone this year - that must have done something? They may as well have had a bloke with a megaphone seconded from a peddalo pond screaming ‘come on number 5, let him through’
Ross Brawn has this week said that overtaking needs fixing and it’ll probably happen in 2021 if teams agree to it and, you know, as long as everyone is happy and it doesn’t cost too much and FUCK THIS
Don't worry, I have a solution
STOP BEING SO COMPLICATED. F1 is the pinnacle of everything except making sense. The other day some old F1 themed instagram account posted a picture of a Ferrari F1 car from 1989. The front wing was a straight line. Then I saw a picture of the 2008 McLaren which looked as if Optimus Prime had had tepid water sprayed into his mouth for so long he threw up aerodynamic flicks everywhere. This years cars are closer to 2008 that 1989. When they launched my heart sank, aerodynamicists will put their crap everywhere if you let them. They don’t see in colour they see in vortexes and flo-viz.
The solution is obviously simple, tone down the aero, reduce the reliance on clean air and F1 will get better. But this has been known for years and is impossible to fix, so the next simplest option is clearly to change the laws of physics. Make gravity go sideways, bin all that equal and opposite reaction shit and make it really funky. Why did Stephen Hawking have to die?