Liberty have come up with their plan to fix F1, it’s a vague plan, very vague. It’s a bullet pointed list,. Or rather, bullshit points. If any of you listening have ever been in a meeting where stuff has to be agreed in writing but no one has the balls to take any responsibility for it then it will feel very familiar.
Here are some highlights:
The PU must be cheaper, simpler, louder, have more power and reduce the necessity of grid penalties.
Simple, make it an engine.
We believe how you spend the money must be more decisive and important than how much money you spend.
Is this an initiative or an inspirational quote?
While there will be some standardised elements, car differentiation must remain a core value
I’m no legal mind, but this could just mean different bloody colours?
F1's unique, historical franchise and value must and will still be recognised.
Was anyone suggesting anything else - was that Brian being that guy in the meeting, saying - what if people think we are trying to kill F1 - best put something in, just in case thats what people think?
Engineering technology must remain a cornerstone but driver's skill must be the predominant factor in the performance of the car.
How do you legislate for this? Have a little survey pop up on the steering wheel screen - can we take a moment of your time to ask how you’re feeling about your skill being a predominant factor - it’ll only take two minutes and you could win an amazon voucher?
Look, it’s laudable that they’ve gotten this far - the teams are not in F1 to make the sport look good, they are there to win, then make money for their parent companies or shareholders and then, if there’s any time left at the end of the week there might be twenty minutes to think about the good of F1. Mercedes and Ferrari have already vetoed a set of rules to change the cars for next year. The red team aren’t going to give up their extra money and veto for everything, you think Kimi’s pit stop was an accident - “Just look at what we’ll do if we’re angry, and he was one of our own”
The only real way to fix the sport is to stop letting the teams have any say at all. Just look at how Christian Horner has changed his tune on everything from cost caps to aero regs now that Red Bull isn’t Renault’s baby and they’re no longer winning. They cannot be trusted.
But despite all of this, what's’ the bloody point. The main problem with F1 is the engineers and aerodynamicists are too bloody clever.
When they tried to cut the aero the other year the cheeky sods and won almost all of it back by mid season - no matter what they come up with with simplified wings and reductions in vortexes the main fact is that it’s working group of a few people versus the might and genius of hundreds in the all the teams.
Don't worry, I have a solution
It’s a bit like gardening leave. If you’re in a competitive job you can be forced to not work your notice when you quit, but also not be allowed to start in a new job for a set period of time. These people are still clever, but their skills cannot be used.
Which is why I propose… Lobotomies!
Every new member of technical staff has a lobotomy from a dodgy Ukrainian doctor. After they’re over the surgery there is little chance they are going to come up with any genius loopholes to flout the rules. They’ll be lucky if they can even make a sandwich.
But I’m a sporting kind of guy, hence the dodgy doctor, sometimes he’ll get it wrong and there’ll be a chance that the lobotomy won’t take. That way some teams will have an advantage.