Terry's State of F1 is normally a serious look at a problem in F1 with a silly solution, for the Chinese GP episode he looked at the situation with Alonso and McLaren, unfortunately not even in his imagination did he think Fernando would fuck off and do the Indy500.
When in 2015 Mclaren took the brave step to power their F1 cars with nostalgia no one knew just how terrible it would be.
1989! They shouted, we thought that was a reference to the glory years when in fact it's the average gap in seconds to the Mercedes. Honda! They cried, before they actually started to cry. Alonso! The double world champ who gave McLaren a shitty year the first time round and exactly no world championships.
Everything was set for the utter disaster it’s turned out to be. Honda have learned nothing, Alonso is openly advertising his services and yet they still believe they are the best team in the world. As do I. Writing from Italy right now, McLaren’s demise hurts.
But lets focus on Alonso. Like Williams, McLaren can probably Chumbawhumba their way around for another decade or so before magicking it all back, but Alonso is very much on his way out of F1.
Whether it’s zero years or five the man who won the 2005 and 2006 championships has never looked further away from becoming a hat-tricker.
Well, let’s be honest, he’s a bit of a dick. But rightly so. He wrestled the Minardi in his first F1 season to incredible results, won two championships with Renault and then moved to McLaren for a glory year that Lewis Hamilton ruined and Alonso sulked.
Then he went back to Renault, tail between his legs and was absolutely not involved took part in the crashgate cheating scandal, allegedly. In 2008 his car was rubbish and he sulked
Then he signed with Ferrari, had a couple of good years but ultimately never won the championship, and then sulking in public because the team were shit.
Now back to McLaren where he started sulking almost on day one and hasn’t quit since.
So where is left for him to go? Nowhere, Mercedes had the chance to get him but chose not to, Ferrari own’t have him back, surely he can’t go to Renault AGAIN? Haas is backed by Ferrari, Red Bull have never been interested and Williams already have a failed Ferrari driver in their midst.
He’s staying with McLaren because no one else will have him. And to be honest, that’s terrible for F1.
But don’t worry, I have a solution
He should quit, like yesterday. He should go away for a year, get fit, have some plastic surgery curl his hair and disappear. Coincidentally next year Mercedes will make a shock signing of a new driver with curly hair called, I don’t know, Michael Knight. Michael will be the first driver unable to speak thanks to a childhood trauma and therefore not wont to piss everyone off. Job done.